NaPoWriMo Day #20

Went off prompt today for a break. 

I AM JUST A KID

I’m eighteen now. Until that magic day in April passed, every time I fell 

short—left a knife in the sink at work,

dashed in late and breathless to class—

I held up that phrase as Aegis against 

the wolves of my own mind;

Petrified the critics in my head with its stare.

According to my driver’s license,

and the slot machine, and the voting machine,

and the records at city hall,

and the tattoo parlor,

and the venerated halls of law,

I’ve worn out that excuse as surely as a baby’s blanket-

like the one my sister clung to through elementary school

until it faded to a gray rag.

I’m eighteen now. so how is it that i still feel so uncertain?

that i still feel small as a rabbit?

—only this time, with no shield to save me 

from myself. No excuse to pardon my lack of knowledge on how to live.

The wolves come for me. I devour me, howling

down through the pathetic layers of who I am,

BE BETTER THAN THIS.